The Medium Story

The other day, I went to the barber’s, for what else, to get a haircut. I got a little more than I bargained for.

Barber: “Haal kya hai, sir, aapka?” (How are you today, sir?)

Me: “Medium.”

Barber: “Huh?”

Me: “Huh?”

Barber: laughter

Me: “Ooooh..”

In my defense, I heard him say, “Baal kitne kaatne hai, sir, aapka?” (How much do you want your hair to be cut, sir?). But who believes me.


The other day, Derek ‘O Brien was conducting Bizarre, the inter-college B-quiz, held part of Vista 2006. Sadly, I didn’t qualify for the final round, and I had to be content with being part of the audience. As usual, there were questions that the six finalist teams couldn’t answer, and they were passed on to the audience.

Whoever answered a question correctly in the audience, got a T-shirt. One guy, right next to me, won one for answering some question about Moroccan exports and hash. If you got the right answer, Derek would say emphatically, “Thaaaaaaaaat’s RIGHT! What’s your t-shirt size?” I wanted a “medium”-sized t-shirt.

I knew the answers to a lot of the questions, but since I was sitting behind in the audience, with my friends, Derek couldn’t quite make out my flailing arms in the dark. Nevertheless, at some point, my efforts paid off, and like Ursula Andress coming out to Sean Connery in Dr. No, Derek was coming towards me, with mic in hand, instead of a seashell.

Derek: [Easy question]

Vivek: [Yelling answer out, like a rabid puppy.]

Derek: “Thaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat’s RIGHT!! Pick a number.”

Vivek: (Expecting to be thrown a “medium”-sized t-shirt) “Medium!”

Derek: “Medium?!!”

(Noise of 1000 odd people laughing.)

Vivek: “Uhhhh….” (clapping my mouth shut with my hand) “…. seven.”

Derek: “Hahahahahaha…”

It was a little difficult living down the taunts in the hostel that night, especially responding to questions, like “I thought you were large?”


Medium: Large-sized embarrassment.


Of course, that night was more embarrassing for the owner of a pair of hairy legs, not particularly long ones though. Derek was smitten by them, at first sight, and shared his enthusiasm for short, hirsute limbs with the audience by calling the lead guitarist of Phootage*, onto stage, and making him hand out the winner’s cheques and prizes. Of course, PVR obliged. If you have got it, flaunt it, right? 🙂

*An establishment I was part of once, which took off when I left the band :). They have composed some good music and also recently released a CD. You can have a dekko at the video of my favourite song.


My mom and sister have been chewing my head off for making silly grammatical errors or wording phrases incorrectly on my blog. But when I ask them to point them out to me, they are unable to find the grammatical gremlins they claimed to have found.

So dear reader, if you do find any, grammatical errors, errors in usage, etc. etc. that is, (unless they are done intentionally to enhance the humorous situation or it would be inaccurate to be anything else) please be kind enough to point them out to me. In return, I shall promise to give you pieces, which would not offend anyone’s grammatical sensibilities, especially poor Wren and Martin’s.


9 responses to “The Medium Story

  1. No wonder you chose to call yourself grammarnazi on dcetech! It was good fun reading about your medium sized embarrassments!

  2. Going through your ‘About Me’ page, it struck me that you have asked in this entry of yours for any grammatical errors to be brought to your notice. In the first para there, you have written you became a computer ‘engineering’. I am not sure if that was done deliberately to invoke humour, but I am kind of sure you must have become a computer ‘engineer’.

  3. Au contraire, the humour in the piece was because of the seriousness of the language. Thanks, pal… see if you can get more errors that my secretary missed…. 😛

  4. Unless Venkat Rao is, in actuality, a woman, hirsute is not the word I would use to describe him 🙂

  5. Really? What other intimate adjective do you have for him? 🙂

  6. None as affectionate as yours for him evidently!

  7. Getting jealous, are we?

  8. Please share some of the affect(at)ion you so evidently have a surfeit of

  9. I’ll put a separate post on you and your humongous harem… that should satisfy your appetite for affect(at)ion. 😛

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